What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

I have never felt 100% attached to a single profession, career path, or industry. I do not know what it is I’m uniquely good at or should dedicate my sole focus towards. In college, I felt “behind”, “lost”, “unsure”. I use quotation marks because I know many college students (even those who graduated) feel the same way. They are valid emotions, but they are imaginary constructions made under the force of societal pressures. Therefore, in my self-reflection, I have not allowed them the power they once had over me, hence the quotes.

I have spent literally my entire life wondering what it is I can offer the world. What am I really good at? What are my strengths? What are my interests? What should I be doing?

When I was younger, the perpetual question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” loomed over me, constantly. The question always perplexed me, and I would answer with, “I don’t know” every time. I wrote a whole paper in high school about how I had no idea what the world needed because I hadn’t seen the world, so how was I supposed to know what to give it in return?

I have this unsupported feeling I’m suppose to do something big with my life. That a path I have yet to stumble upon is waiting for me to find it. It is a daunting thing to feel yet have no idea what signs are even pointing to that path. I feel as if I’m missing every flashing light, highlighted street sign, green arrow, and marked entryway. Am I way off-course? Am I ignoring clear signage? Is this all in my head? Does everyone else also think they’re destined for something big? ← This one’s a legitimate question that I welcome responses to, by the way.

In college, I read a book called Good to Great. It’s saturated with business concepts, but the overarching themes are transferable to everyday life. The author, Jim Collins, explained his theory behind a framework he refers to as the “Hedgehog Concept”. A Venn diagram below shows you the makeup of the theory, which address three main questions:

1. What can you be the best in the world at?

2. What drives your economic engine?

3. What are you deeply passionate about?

The center of the Venn diagram is not just a goal or a strategy. It is the intersection of your unique qualities, abilities, interests, and financial capabilities that only you possess and can excel at. In the most basic of words, it is what you should be doing with your life.

This is not me telling you I had some big epiphany, and now I’m on the right path to figuring out my calling. I am still doing the work to figure it all out. Trying to put one foot in front of the other and gain clarity with each step. Even if I haven’t pieced together my three circles, at the very least, I am aware of the concept, and that feels like progress to me.

I want to point out that this is a journey, but truthfully, this is more than just a career-related journey. This is my life. These are still days whether or not I’m working my dream job or figuring out my three circles.

I will hold onto hope that one day I will piece my circles together and silently understand what I’m here to do. When I was a little girl I knew the world was at my fingertips, and regardless of whether I know what I want to do with my life, I’ve always had hope to fall back on in the overwhelming moments of doubt.

If you’re on this— what feels like never-ending ride— with me, make sure you realize that feeling such uneasy emotions is a really big obstacle. Like really big. Try not to let it consume you. Every day is a day whether you spend it job searching, networking, Googling “how do I figure out my calling” or laughing with friends and family. So when it feels too big, put it down and go do something you love to remind yourself that today is still just a day.

To end this off, I will share one thing I do know. ~Some clarity in the fog~

I made a mistake when writing the essay I previously mentioned from high school. I had stated earlier that I had no idea what the world needed because I hadn’t seen the world, so how was I supposed to know what to give it in return?

The truth is, I have seen a fair amount of the world now. I would also say I have a decent understanding of what it needs. My mistake was questioning what it needs and trying to fill that void. That void is massive and ever-growing, and I am just one person. I will always feel as if I’m underserving, if I look at it through that lens.

Instead, I’m looking at the world asking what it needs that I can give it. The slightest change in perspective from trying to be what the world needs to trying to give the world what I can has made all the difference.

I am a firm believer that everyone has a purpose here. We all have a reason for being on this Earth, whether it is to cure cancer or AIDS, write laws that better our society, build rocket ships that launch into space, or help someone hold onto hope.

P.S. After I read about the Hedgehog Concept and finished the book Good to Great, I immediately emailed Jim Collins. I had to tell him how genius the idea is, how simple it seems, yet how under-communicated it is because it was in my last semester of college that I found out about it.

Surprisingly, his secretary answered. She told me that Jim appreciated my email and that he wanted to send a signed copy of his book to me. I was flattered that she took the time to send him my fan mail and that he took the time to sign a copy of his book for me.

When I received it in the mail, I saw that he wrote a personal message in it.

To everyone reading this, if you haven't already, I hope you find yours, too.